GGW Blog | Girls Gone Wild » Sex

SEX SELLS BEER

Ben — Mon, 13 May 2013 20:22:26 +0000

Two amazing things in one glorious video. Beer and sex. Beer is delicious, savory, and downright amazing. Coincidentally sex is basically the same thing. Great sex tends to involve a beautiful woman, and these beer ads really express these things. I know the work week just started, but hopefully this will prepare you for a weekend of partying, beers, and girls. Enjoy!

6 ESSENTIALS FOR AN ORGY

Ben — Thu, 31 Jan 2013 21:17:51 +0000

So you’ve decided to have an orgy. Fantastic! It’s the best decision you’ve ever made. We’re here to help you have a fantastic time. They’re great fun and while “orgymonger” isn’t something you can write on your resume, trust us – your friends will know and will elevate you from “guy” to “King Guy The Hero” when you cross “Orgy” off your “Sexual To Do” list. Read More….

1. CONFIDENCE

Any Orgyologist must remember: You are not the inventor of Sex. People weren’t wandering around wondering what to do with the dangly bits between their legs until you showed up – and the fact you did show up demonstrates exactly that. Everyone enjoys sex, even people you wish didn’t, and thats why there are six billion people now. Almost all of them want to do the same things you do. Some just don’t have the balls to say it. So man up and be the one who raises the idea. It might sound hard, but trust us: there’s only one thing you should find hard at an orgy, and if you don’t know what that is we’re probably not allowed to tell you.

Those who think orgies are unlikely fantasies are right – for themselves. that’s why they sit alone imagining things while the real guys show the women those losers aren’t using their packages for a much better time. Confidence is almost everything you need, but there are five more things that can go really wrong – things we’ve learned through painful experience.

2. LUBE

Nothing’s worse than getting it all going and finding a dry run. This isn’t a ski-slope, you can’t wait around for things to get better, and this is not the time for “technical difficulties”. You’ll want to have more lubrication available than the Gulf of Mexico, bottles and jars of all kinds liberally strewn around the Orgy Chamber. Also: use the phrase “Orgy Chamber” as much as possible, because it’s pretty awesome.

You won’t get away with your one bottle of KY here: trust me on this. When people are watching the game on the couch it’s difficult to search around them. When they’re bent over it doggy-style it’s frankly impossible. they’re not suffering any slipperiness deficit, and they’re damned if they’re stopping just for your sake.

Get a bunch of different brands as well. Everyone has their own preferences, and this is not the time to discover an allergy. this is meant to be a fun time, not a comedy episode.

3. INCENSE

Just this once incense isn’t for hippies. If you take one thing from our experiences, which was extraordinarily fun, it’s this: lots of people having sex smells a lot More than You think. You don’t know this because you’re distracted when you’re the one sweating and the internet doesn’t have Smell-O-Vision (and if it did, I assure you no one would use it). Our first orgy was endangered because none of us were ready for the compound scent of sweat (and other juices), but opening all the windows allowed us to get on with it. Unfortunately it got us thrown out of that apartment. It turns out we had the worst neighbors in the world, people who can get a free sex soundtrack and then complain. But in the new place we have a cabinet of candles and incense ranging all the way from almond Breeze to Vanilla. (there are no incenses starting with Z, which is a pity.)

4. SHEETS

Another essential we weren’t aware of and it cost me a couch. Not just any couch – this was a gloriously comfortable sofa we got from a friend leaving the city, way out of my price range, a huge and comfortable Bugatti Veryone of sitting on your ass in front of the Xbox. This was where we’d done so many things, made so many good memories, we loved that sofa. Unfortunately, so did some other guys that day, and those stains do not come out.

You need to buy a bunch of cheap (but soft) sheets and cover everything in the action-room with them, or your furniture will end up looking like a forensic-sample scene from CSI. Certain stains (and by “certain” I mean “manberry juice”) will always stain, and no matter how light the little circle is no one is going to sit there when they know “it’s from when that big guy tried to aim over the blonde’s face and missed.”

5. FLUIDS. LOTS OF FLUIDS.

You’ll want lots of water, juice, soda, as much nicely flavored rehydration as possible. You might not think fruit juice is much fun, but this isn’t for you – it’s for girls who want to wash out their mouth before moving on. Oh yeah, now you know what I mean. You’ll also want to watch your own drinking. Beer may be one of the best things ever, and incredibly useful in getting the orgy-idea going (turning “What should we do?” into “What do I want to do?” into “Wow why didn’t I do this before?” in the space of a single evening). But with orgies on the agenda, and that’s the least-boring use of the word “agenda” since it was invented, you want to treat beer like a power-tool: extremely powerful but it can go very very wrong. On the upside it eases everyone into the right mindset “I’m horny and want to do something fun!”, but on the downside it can knock you right out.

Make sure to measure your pace because if brewer’s droop or unconsciousness strikes, you might be out of action for the whole thing and swear off alcohol forever. Hell, lose out on that (especially after planning it) and there’s a serious chance you’ll become a monk and never speak again, until your dying breath eighty years later in a mountain temple, and your final words will be “I can’t believe I missed that!”

6. A SECOND BATHROOM.

You have people fucking in your house. You have a bathroom. You will have people fucking in your bathroom – this is scientific fact, like the sun shining or the way things fall downward, and you’d better be ready. If you know a worse torture than being stuck at your own sex-party clutching your crotch outside the locked bathroom because you’re bladder’s about to burst, you’re either in a Saw movie or Satan’s house. I speak from extraordinarily painful experience here: someone will go to shower, someone else will go to help them, and after that they simply do not give a fuck for the very obvious reason that they’re giving a fuck to each other and not you. For the next party (in my new place) we jammed the door open with a wedge of wood hammered in harder than a horny Hulk – if they wanted to ride in the bath again (and they did) they’d have be ready for interruptions.

BACK TO GIRLS GONE WILD

PILLOW TALK: NEVER SAY THIS IN BED

Ben — Thu, 17 Jan 2013 17:31:56 +0000

“I’ve never seen a (insert body part here) that looked like that before!”

Unless you’re telling me I have the most beautiful rack on earth, I don’t want to hear that my tits/ass/ stomach/vagina/ears/shoulders/ toes look different from every other chick’s you’ve seen. To girls, different means bad. it doesn’t matter if you don’t mean it that way. We’re going to take it that way. Next time you notice something unique about a chick, be sure to insert a complimentary adjective. Perfect, beautiful, sexy, hot, fine, gorgeous, amazing, flawless and stunning all work. Steer clear of different, unusual or peculiar. Read More….

“I swear this has never happened to me before.”

Why would I believe that? If it’s happening with me, it sure as hell better have happened before; if it hasn’t, you’re telling me I’m the reason you can’t keep it stiff. And then we’re really going to be stuck between a rock and a not-so-hard place. If you can’t maintain a strong dong, you ought to have a damn good excuse… that doesn’t involve me!

“You looked… different last night…”

We’ve all gone home with someone who looked slammin’ at the bar, but has a third nipple/female mustache/man boobs/eye patch in the morning. Hide your disappointment. She definitely knows if she has a 5 o’clock shadow. Don’t remind her! Tell her you had a great time… you remember everything from last night… you’ll call her real soon… bla, bla, bla.

“You remind me of my mom.”

EEEEEWWWWW!! There is nothing grosser than having you think about your mom while you’re inside of me, you sick fuck. There is no turning back after those words leave your lips. If you are thinking about your mommy every time you get your balls tickled, call Dr. Drew. That’s out of my league.

Farting

I don’t want to hear you fart in bed, and I most certainly do not want to smell your fart in bed. Hold it; go in the bathroom; run to your buddy’s place down the street. Just don’t do it in bed!!

“You don’t mind if I watch the game while you blow me.”

Of course not! You might as well take a dump on my head while you’re at it! If you care that much about watching the game, then learn how to suck your own dick. Until then, show some respect… and use your DVR.

Another Girl’s Name

If that sentence doesn’t end with “is a bitch” or some other derogatory claim, don’t start it. I’d rather you call me hot Dog than rachel. There’s nothing worse than hearing someone else’s name in bed… except for the blue balls you’ll suffer afterwards.

BACK TO GIRLS GONE WILD

TIPS FROM CHICKS: DON’T DO THIS IN BED

Ben — Tue, 15 Jan 2013 22:22:17 +0000

DON’T HUM WHILE GETTING HEAD
Is that the theme to Law and Order? If you want a girl to give you a spectacular hummer, mute the tunes. Exception: If you’re as funny as or actually are Jermaine from Flight of the Conchords, you can hum the shit out of “Business Time” and the girl bobbing up and down on your junk will be your love slave for life.

DON’T NARRATE THE ACTION

“Here is what I am going to do to you, girl. I am going to take my fat cock and run it along your taint like Picasso’s paintbrush. Then at the precise moment I sense your anal arousal level reaching its peak, I’m going to plunge four fingers into … ”Your bed will remain  a lonely wasteland of solo narration if you continue this lamest of lame-o moves.

DON’T TELL US WHEN WE FILL A SLOT ON YOUR FANTASY “FUCK-IT LIST”
“I can’t believe I’m finally going Asian.” “Done and done, I banged a virgin!”  “Is my dick really in a black girl right now? Hold it, I gotta get my iPhone.” “Do you know how hard it is to find a girl with a prosthetic right hand and rubber left foot on Match.com who isn’t like totally fuckin’ugly?” Word to  the wise, chiggity-check yo self before you riggity-wreck yo self.

DON’T HAVE A WANDERING EYE

Once the clothes are off and spit has been swapped, focus on the pussy in front of you, not on her choice of decor. “No, I don’t know where I got that chair in the corner, or who painted that picture above my smooth and perfect ass.” Or, even worse, “Who is the girl in the picture with me on my nightstand, you ask? She is my best friend and yes she is unfucking unbelievably hot and yes she has a boyfriend and no she is not my roommate and, uh-huh, they are real, and yes she has been mistaken for Angelina Jolie.” You can think about the roommate without saying anything.

DON’T GRAB A GIRL’S TUMMY AND TURN IT INTO A “MOUTH”

Even hot girls who look like they haven’t eaten since the Clinton administration are self-conscious about their stomachs. So, grabbing the tummy of a girl and forming a funny little flesh mouth is not going to win you any points. Moving the “mouth” and giving it the deep burbling voice of Jabba the Hut is just plain fucktarded.

DON’T TALK ABOUT HOW MANY POINTS YOU’RE SCORING

Using video game, sports or computer lingo to describe how you’re doing in the sack is not anything close to hot. “Sounds like I discovered your hidden code, baby.” “In a surprise move he runs it back for a two point safety, he tosses it, the crowd is on its feet.” And if you must rate the sex afterwards, never rate it lower than a 9 on a scale of 1-10. Never.

DON’T BE DISGUSTING

A grimace on your face while flicking some crap off your bed before a girl gets in does not qualify as foreplay. Also, saying things like, “I think my roommate and his girlfriend screw on my bed sometimes” or, “I have no idea where these stains came from”, just made the previously ready and willing girl in front of you barf in her mouth a little.

DON’T RATE ON A  BELL CURVE

Saying things like, “This is awesome, not only do you look like you my ex, who by the way was a total cuntwad, you even fuck like her. She was an awesome fuck, you’re almost  at her level. One thing she did was get me on all fours, slide under me and give me the grease monkey – you know that’s where you…” Or, worse, talking about how fat and/or ugly your last lay was and how thankful you are that you are with your current upgrade.

DON’T BE A LOW SELF-ESTEEM  PUNCHING BAG

You are not Woody Allen. Jabbering about how lame you are now, but how you plan on being less lame and so much wealthier and in shape soon is in no way a turn on. Why don’t you go ahead and tell a girl you love her during the first time you do it with her? That’s not desperate or anything. Lastly, sobbing while disclosing that your mail-order bride didn’t work out will very likely divert your access to the pearl in the clam.

BACK TO GIRLS GONE WILD

FANTASY FLICK: DEEP THROATING A TOY

Ben — Thu, 04 Oct 2012 06:34:29 +0000

The crew at Girls Gone Wild found this hottie who was ready to party. While on the GGW bus she wanted to prove her oral skills and deep throated an average size dildo. She took it like a champ. She wanted to go big so she pulled out a huge fake wiener and began shoving into her mouth. Watch if you want an oral show and let us know if you want to see more of this by commenting on our Facebook.

HOT SCENE ALERT! B&B LESBIANS

Ben — Sat, 18 Aug 2012 00:20:46 +0000

Pick your flavor: Blonde or Brunette? We found these two frisky hotties as they were slipping into something a little more comfortable. After getting a little touchy-feely for our cameramen their inhibitions hit the ground faster than their clothes. If you want to see these naughty girls get wild and crazy check out their insanely hot scene HERE!