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Girls Gone Wild Blog

6 ESSENTIALS FOR AN ORGY

NINA-GIRLS-GONE-WILD

So you’ve decided to have an orgy. Fantastic! It’s the best decision you’ve ever made. We’re here to help you have a fantastic time. They’re great fun and while “orgymonger” isn’t something you can write on your resume, trust us – your friends will know and will elevate you from “guy” to “King Guy The Hero” when you cross “Orgy” off your “Sexual To Do” list.  Read More….

1. CONFIDENCE

Any Orgyologist must remember: You are not the inventor of Sex. People weren’t wandering around wondering what to do with the dangly bits between their legs until you showed up – and the fact you did show up demonstrates exactly that. Everyone enjoys sex, even people you wish didn’t, and thats why there are six billion people now. Almost all of them want to do the same things you do. Some just don’t have the balls to say it. So man up and be the one who raises the idea. It might sound hard, but trust us: there’s only one thing you should find hard at an orgy, and if you don’t know what that is we’re probably not allowed to tell you.

Those who think orgies are unlikely fantasies are right – for themselves. that’s why they sit alone imagining things while the real guys show the women those losers aren’t using their packages for a much better time. Confidence is almost everything you need, but there are five more things that can go really wrong – things we’ve learned through painful experience.

2. LUBE

Nothing’s worse than getting it all going and finding a dry run. This isn’t a ski-slope, you can’t wait around for things to get better, and this is not the time for “technical difficulties”. You’ll want to have more lubrication available than the Gulf of Mexico, bottles and jars of all kinds liberally strewn around the Orgy Chamber. Also: use the phrase “Orgy Chamber” as much as possible, because it’s pretty awesome.

You won’t get away with your one bottle of KY here: trust me on this. When people are watching the game on the couch it’s difficult to search around them. When they’re bent over it doggy-style it’s frankly impossible. they’re not suffering any slipperiness deficit, and they’re damned if they’re stopping just for your sake.

Get a bunch of different brands as well.  Everyone has their own preferences, and this is not the time to discover an allergy. this is meant to be a fun time, not a comedy episode.

3. INCENSE

Just this once incense isn’t for hippies. If you take one thing from our experiences, which was extraordinarily fun, it’s this: lots of people having sex smells a lot More than You think. You don’t know this because you’re distracted when you’re the one sweating and the internet doesn’t have Smell-O-Vision (and if it did, I assure you no one would use it). Our first orgy was endangered because none of us were ready for the compound scent of sweat (and other juices), but opening all the windows allowed us to get on with it. Unfortunately it got us thrown out of that apartment. It turns out we had the worst neighbors in the world, people who can get a free sex soundtrack and then complain. But in the new place we have a cabinet of candles and incense ranging all the way from almond Breeze to Vanilla. (there are no incenses starting with Z, which is a pity.)

4. SHEETS

Another essential we weren’t aware of and it cost me a couch. Not just any couch – this was a gloriously comfortable sofa we got from a friend leaving the city, way out of my price range, a huge and comfortable Bugatti Veryone of sitting on your ass in front of the Xbox. This was where we’d done so many things, made so many good memories, we loved that sofa. Unfortunately, so did some other guys that day, and those stains do not come out.

You need to buy a bunch of cheap (but soft) sheets and cover everything in the action-room with them, or your furniture will end up looking like a forensic-sample scene from CSI. Certain stains (and by “certain” I mean “manberry juice”) will always stain, and no matter how light the little circle is no one is going to sit there when they know “it’s from when that big guy tried to aim over the blonde’s face and missed.”

 

5. FLUIDS. LOTS OF FLUIDS.

You’ll want lots of water, juice, soda, as much nicely flavored rehydration as possible. You might not think fruit juice is much fun, but this isn’t for you – it’s for girls who want to wash out their mouth before moving on. Oh yeah, now you know what I mean. You’ll also want to watch your own drinking. Beer may be one of the best things ever, and incredibly useful in getting the orgy-idea going (turning “What should we do?” into “What do I want to do?” into “Wow why didn’t I do this before?” in the space of a single evening). But with orgies on the agenda, and that’s the least-boring use of the word “agenda” since it was invented, you want to treat beer like a power-tool: extremely powerful but it can go very very wrong. On the upside it eases everyone into the right mindset “I’m horny and want to do something fun!”, but on the downside it can knock you right out.

Make sure to measure your pace because if brewer’s droop or unconsciousness strikes, you might be out of action for the whole thing and swear off alcohol forever. Hell, lose out on that (especially after planning it) and there’s a serious chance you’ll become a monk and never speak again, until your dying breath eighty years later in a mountain temple, and your final words will be “I can’t believe I missed that!”

 

6. A SECOND BATHROOM.

You have people fucking in your house. You have a bathroom. You will have people fucking in your bathroom – this is scientific fact, like the sun shining or the way things fall downward, and you’d better be ready. If you know a worse torture than being stuck at your own sex-party clutching your crotch outside the locked bathroom because you’re bladder’s about to burst, you’re either in a Saw movie or Satan’s house. I speak from extraordinarily painful experience here: someone will go to shower, someone else will go to help them, and after that they simply do not give a fuck for the very obvious reason that they’re giving a fuck to each other and not you. For the next party (in my new place) we jammed the door open with a wedge of wood hammered in harder than a horny Hulk – if they wanted to ride in the bath again (and they did) they’d have be ready for interruptions.

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