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Girls Gone Wild Blog

PILLOW TALK: NEVER SAY THIS IN BED

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“I’ve never seen a (insert body part here) that looked like that before!”

Unless you’re telling me I have the most beautiful rack on earth, I don’t want to hear that my tits/ass/ stomach/vagina/ears/shoulders/ toes look different from every other chick’s you’ve seen. To girls, different means bad. it doesn’t matter if you don’t mean it that way. We’re going to take it that way. Next time you notice something unique about a chick, be sure to insert a complimentary adjective. Perfect, beautiful, sexy, hot, fine, gorgeous, amazing, flawless and stunning all work. Steer clear of different, unusual or peculiar. Read More….

 

“I swear this has never happened to me before.”

Why would I believe that? If it’s happening with me, it sure as hell better have happened before; if it hasn’t, you’re telling me I’m the reason you can’t keep it stiff. And then we’re really going to be stuck between a rock and a not-so-hard place. If you can’t maintain a strong dong, you ought to have a damn good excuse… that doesn’t involve me!

 

 

“You looked… different last night…”

We’ve all gone home with someone who looked slammin’ at the bar, but has a third nipple/female mustache/man boobs/eye patch in the morning. Hide your disappointment. She definitely knows if she has a 5 o’clock shadow. Don’t remind her! Tell her you had a great time… you remember everything from last night… you’ll call her real soon… bla, bla, bla.

 

 

“You remind me of my mom.”

EEEEEWWWWW!! There is nothing grosser than having you think about your mom while you’re inside of me, you sick fuck. There is no turning back after those words leave your lips. If you are thinking about your mommy every time you get your balls tickled, call Dr. Drew. That’s out of my league.

 

 

Farting

I don’t want to hear you fart in bed, and I most certainly do not want to smell your fart in bed. Hold it; go in the bathroom; run to your buddy’s place down the street. Just don’t do it in bed!!

 

 

“You don’t mind if I watch the game while you blow me.”

Of course not! You might as well take a dump on my head while you’re at it! If you care that much about watching the game, then learn how to suck your own dick. Until then, show some respect… and use your DVR.

 

 

Another Girl’s Name

If that sentence doesn’t end with “is a bitch” or some other derogatory claim, don’t start it. I’d rather you call me hot Dog than rachel. There’s nothing worse than hearing someone else’s name in bed… except for the blue balls you’ll suffer afterwards.

 

 

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