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Girls Gone Wild Blog

7 Things You Don’t Know Your Girlfriend Does

7 things you don't know your girlfriend does

 10% of an iceberg is visible above the ocean’s surface. The other 90% goes unseen, hidden underwater. In many ways, women are similar to icebergs – sharp, dangerous, often cold and liable to sink you if you fuck with them. There’s no telling what lies beneath the surface, but you know there’s trouble awaiting you. Now for the first time ever, I’m going to pull back the curtain and give you a peek at your girlfriend’s hidden life. Forewarned in forearmed. And as you are exposed to these shocking secrets, here’s warning number one: This is not for the squeamish….READ MORE

 

1 ) She farts.

Your precious little lady is the epitome of class. She has impeccable style. She’s got a rocking bod. She remains a lady in the public but freaks the sheets regularly. At times, when surveying her perfection, you might forget that she is a mere mortal. She reacts naturally to a night of beer and pizza – with a serious case of anal audio distortion. Not that you’ll ever know. You see, your girlfriend has spent her life training to be what you might call a “fart ninja.” She toots in the shadows; passes gas without a sound; squeaks a Henry and then disappears. You never knew about it because she’s also been very successful at making you think it was you. Her fart ninja skills are just that good.

 

 

2 ) She bleaches her mustache.  

Mustaches are hot. That isn’t an opinion, it’s a fact. But not everyone can rock this facial hair badge. That goes for 100% of girls. But while you heckle the girl on the rugby team about her fu manchu, you don’t even see what’s right below your nose. Rather, your girlfriend’s nose. Your gf has been disguising her would-be mustache for years, through plucking or bleaching, or if she ‘s living in a trailer, shaving. If she stopped doing this, you’d recoil in horror to find that you are fucking the female bigfoot.

 

 

3 ) She looks at other girls in the gym locker room.

Boners down, boys. We know guys have an instinctual need to keep their head on a pivot when in a public place to be aware of every single rack within 100 yards. Girls are the same way… with other girls… but we do it way, way, way more. On the street we eye each other up and down, assessing every inch of the competition, taking a mental note whether to love or hate this bitch. And in the locker room, when the clothes come off, we stare even harder. We compare, we judge, we envy… and a lot of the time we appreciate.

 

 

4 ) She talks about your dick.

Specifically, its size (or lack there of). T here are few things a guy holds more dear than his dick. And when you introduce your best buddy to a lady, you hope that she shares the same respect for your johnson that you do. And we know that. But as fast as you can nut one out, we’re running back to our friends to talk about it. Within minutes – maybe even seconds – your girlfriend is on the phone talking about the dimensions of your dick to anyone that will listen. If you have a big willy, congrats! You’ll begin to notice a twinkle in all of her gal pals’ eyes. If you have a baby dick… well, you’ll know
why they’re all laughing at you..

 

 

5) She masturbates.

You watch enough Girls Gone Wild DVDs to know that girls pleasure themselves too. But the amount of masturbation your girlfriend is performing would blow your mind. You think you’re the only one trying to squeeze one off before work? When you don’t stay at your girl’s place, she’s rolling around in the sheets, cumming a half a dozen times before she even checks the clock. And when you call and she says she’s just watching her favorite girlie show, that’s a lie; it  gets you off the phone because you sure as hell don’t want to talk about Sex And The City and she can get back to having sex with her clitty.

 

 

6 ) She picks her nose. Guys have license to be gross. You can get muddy playing sports, pig
out on burritos and text pictures of your proudest deuce to buddies. In response to these vulgarities, your girlfriend reacts with loving disgust. You are her pot-bellied pig and she is your sanitized farm master. But we girls got a gross side too. We have noses. And in those noses is a bouquet of boogers. When you’re not looking she might just send a scout up there to mine for gold. Hopefully she flicks it away, but if she starts eating it you’ve got a much bigger problem. Eeewwww!

 

 

7 ) She uses sex as a weapon.  
(Okay, maybe you knew this one) Having a girlfriend brings many joys, including the joy of actually having someone to have sex with. In a loving relationship, you can run through the house with a hard-on
and probably see the sexy doctor right away. And your girlfriend loves the sex you’re giving. But to
be sure, sex is a weapon and she knows how to wield it. Have you been acting like an asshole recently?
Maybe you didn’t do the laundry? Is there some expensive bikini she keeps mentioning to you five times
a day? If a girl isn’t getting what she wants OR isn’t getting you to do what she wants, she goes for the sex weapon. Much like Pavlov’s dog, she has conditioned you. Do what she wants, get a treat. Don’t
do what she wants, get blue balls.

 

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