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Sex Ed: Advanced Sex Studies: A girl spells it out for you

 

Sex Ed Advanced Sex Studies A girl spells it out for you

Yes! She Masturbates.

 

Morning wood isn’t a phenomenon specific to just guys, you know. Girls may not get hard, but we do get hot. Even in the morning. Especially in the morning.

 

Last Sunday, for example, your favorite sex professor and columnist (yours truly) woke up that way. You know, that barely awake stage, when you’re too lazy to stand, but not too groggy to be grabbed and groped. Foreplay? Please. Too early. Just fuck me…READ MORE

 

 

The problem? My sexy beast of a man lives in another state.

 

What’s a girl in need to do?

 

“If you were a man, you’d just beat off,” a male buddy said bluntly over beers one afternoon. He paused, waiting for my reaction. Did he expect me to blush?

 

“I don’t know why you women have such a hang up about it,” he went on, matter-of-factly.

 

News flash. We don’t. We pet the kitty plenty. So why is this perception still out there? You’ve all seen Sex and the City at this point. We love sex. We love it withyou. And we love it alone I’m not just talking about the waxed and ready hotties on the pages of this magazine. I mean the girl you sit next to every day in Chemistry 101. Maybe we don’t broadcast it as much, but that doesn’t mean we’re not doing it. I know for you guys the amount of times you’ve spanked it in a day is nothing short of a bragging right. But I assure you my friend Claudine, stuck in a relationship that’s lost its zing, could hang with the best of you.

 

“I have to do it,” she says. “My boyfriend knows two positions. Missionary on the bed and missionary on the floor. A girl can’t live on missionary alone!”

 

Indeed.

 

“Do it in front of him,” my pal Donna advised.

 

Donna’s as pristine as it gets. From Kansas. Lived at home until she was 26. Still calls home every Saturday. Goes to church every Sunday. And loves to masturbate before she fucks.

 

“I do it in front of Jim,” she said, referring to her husband of one year. “I just kind of get my own engine started, then he takes over and gets me across the finish line.”

 

 I agree with Donna. I love to take care of myself in front of my guy and watch him get hard watching me. Your lady hasn’t done this for you yet? If you want to watch, ask her. Once she finds out how much it turns you on, I guarantee you she’ll be into it. When girls masturbate on their own, however, it’s a little different than the way you guys do it. We don’t duck into the bathroom to rub a quick one out. We love the romance, even alone. My favorite is after drinking a glass of wine in a hot bubble bath. As that slightly heady feeling comes on, just before the motor skills are dulled, I climb into bed, lower the lights, and reach down. Eyes closed. Turns out, even alone, I’m easy when I’m drunk. Other times, I just wake up in the morning and go for it.

 

Now you’re probably wondering, do we think of Brad Pitt? That sexy FedEx delivery man Our hot female friend?

 

Hardly.

 

Normally, we’re just thinking about you. The current crush. Or boyfriend. Or ex. Damn that ex.

 

“I usually close my eyes and pretend it’s his tongue down there,” Claudine says. “Only I get to control the speed.”

 

Generally, we like it slow. Steady. Rhythmic. Then increase the pressure. Increase the speed. And Oh Lord, Oh God, Oh Sweet Baby Jesus…

 

Class dismissed.

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