Quantcast

Girls Gone Wild Blog

7 Types Of Guys Girls Hate

 

7 types of Guys Girls Hate

I went through my rolodex and selected the best of the worst guys I’ve been courted by. I narrowed it down to the 7 most irritating, pathetic, speck-dicked gentlemen out there.

 

1. THE GUY WHO MOM LOVES  (who is really nice, and painfully boring)

 

Are you this guy?

 

• You always ask about her day and her feelings and shit.
• You watch her while she sleeps.
• You never say anything funny.
• You never say anything interesting.
• You get your eyebrows waxed when she points out your unibrow.
• You never fight back when she acts like a bat-shit bitch.
• Her mom constantly invites the two of you over for dinner.

 

How you can fix it:  ……….. READ MORE

 

Get a backbone. No girl wants to date a spineless bitch… especially one her mom
loves. We want to kick your sorry ass to the curb before she can utter “such a nice boy” again. We’re not looking for a 24-hour entertainer (although it wouldn’t hurt your case), but you’ve got to give us something. Smile, laugh, reply with more than a one-word response or compliment when spoken to. Sure, women demand attention, but constantly doting over us simply won’t be enough. We need someone to inspire us. How do you expect us to keep being so goddamn crazy without any feedback?

 

2. THE ALCOHOLIC

 

Are you this guy?

 

• You are the life of the party.
• You have SUCH a great time with everyone…between 9pm and 4am.
• You live without electricity.
• You’ve been to rehab. More than once.
• You’ve pissed in her bed. More than once.
• You’ve never done anything with her that doesn’t begin with pre-gaming.
• You sweat profusely and your signature scent is Pabst.

 

How you can fix it:

 

Go to AA. If that doesn’t work, then you need to learn to hide your addiction better. We’re not asking you to be perfect, but we are asking you to be fake. If you are visibly wasted at breakfast, at lunch, or at dinner with her parents, then things probably won’t last. But if you can learn not to drink as heavily at certain events or to keep mouthwash and AXE on hand to conceal your alcoholism, then we’ll likely accept your drunkenness. After all, everyone loves a good mystery. Just remember the point is not to fi nd a cure, but rather a disguise.

 

3. THE METROSEXUAL

 

Are you this guy?

 

• You spend more time getting ready than her.
• You spend more money on self-pampering than her.
• You eat finer foods than her.
• You speak in Starbuck’s lingo. (“I said triple shot skinny Venti no whip, bro. This is a double.”)
• You only drink “The Goose.”
• You work out in Lacoste gear.
• You take “7 for all mankind” literally.
• You spend more than $17 on a haircut.

 

How you can fix it:

 

Look down. That’s a dick. Stop being a fucking girl. Put on a pair of Foot Locker mesh shorts and a wife-beater stained with six years of sweat. Grab a bat, ball and/or Frisbee. Now go outside and ruin your manicured hands like a real man. No girl wants a guy who’s prissier than her. We are enticed by the primitiveness of man – that crudeness that makes you resistant to showers yet draws you to disgusting chores like unclogging the toilet. God made males that way to complement females, not so you can try to become female. Grab your balls in one hand and a plunger in the other. It’s sexy.

 

4. THE MANOREXIC

 

Are you this guy?

 

• You order a salad when you’re on a dinner date. (“Dressing on the side please.”)
• You eat “Lo Carb” brand foods.
• You drink diet only.
• You do more cardio than her.
• You comment on her body fat percentage.
• You talk calories more than her.
• You’re slimmer-hipped than her.
• You wear women’s jeans because they hug your ass better.
• You can’t breath when she is on top of you.

 

How you can fix it:
You are a pussy. Girls have enough body image issues as is. We don’t need to be
jealous that your waist size is smaller than ours. Cancel your 15-mile run, get in your car and drive as fast as you can to Old Country Buff et. Pile your plate high with chicken potpie, lasagna, cheesy potatoes and a side of deep fried steak. Do it again and again and again until you start sweating butter-flavored vegetable oil. Just because we don’t eat, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t either. Every girl just wants a man who can gorge. It makes us look skinny.

 

5. EX-FATTY TURNED HOT

 

Are you this guy?
• You’re more insecure than she is.
• You think she is far more sought after than she actually is.
• You are insanely jealous of her friends and family.
• You have undertones of manorexia.
• You cry.
• You get depressed after meals.
• You talk about food constantly.
• She’s heard your ex-fat tales a million times. They aren’t sad.

 

How you can fix it:

 

Get over your childhood fatness. It’s done with! No one wants to hear your deep-fried sob stories. If we knew you when you were fat we wouldn’t be with you in the first place, so why would it be a good idea to keep bringing up your former portliness? Not only is obesity a turn off, insecurity is too. Overcome your emotional issues, Baconator. We don’t want to fuck you if you’re going to cry.

 

6. THE VERV (verbal perv)

 

Are you this guy?

 

• You only compliment her “pussy.”
• You say you’re going to dip your stick in all the wrong holes.
• You talk dirty to her in the library: “You. Me. Fourth floor. Five minutes.” At 10am.
• You use the term “jizz.”
• Instead of making her blush, you give her the idiot shivers from head to toe.

 

How you can fix it:
Think before you speak. The only girls who want to be spoken to like hos are hookers and strippers. It’s okay to get a bit raunchy sometimes, but mid-morning at a state-funded building ain’t it. Dirty talk is reserved for more comfortable, private moments and “jizz” is what middle school boys say before someone else’s hand makes them cum. Do your best to create some distance between your head and the head of your dick. Have a little respect and we’ll ride your dick all the way home.

 

7. THE LINE FRAUD

 

Are you this guy?
• You use recycled lines that can’t possibly be genuine.
• You agree with her ideology: “I wish I were still a virgin too…”
• You say she’s beautiful and attractive when she has her period.
• You tell her you love her before you know her last name.

 

How you can fix it:
Hey! Line guys! We’re not a bunch of retards. Stop bullshitting us. Some girls are dumb enough to buy it, but most of us are not. It’s insulting and we hate all of you. There is no way in hell you wish you were still a virgin and we know what fi lthy creatures we are when on the rag. Give fewer but more genuine compliments. It will get you in our pants in less time and on more occasions.

 

Download the Digital Version Now!

 

 

Fan us Facebook

Follow us on Twitter

Plus us on Google


Share: