Monthly Archives: January 2012

I Had Sex With My College Professor!

I Had Sex With My College Professor!

 

During my sophomore year, Professor Elbow Pads was strapped into a straitjacket and carted off to the loony bin. Or so the rumor went. Enter Professor Pants Fly. As in, “I will whip mine out.” There was no way for me to know as I got dressed that morning that I had chosen the perfect day to break out my little cutie pie cued denim shorts. Those babies rode a scant inch below my juicy round can. If they could speak they’d have said, “Uh-huh, slap it.”

 

HELLO NEW PROFESSOR


I was amid a sticky sea of sophomores, each of us trying to get our American History requirement over with for the day so we could get down to the more pressing business of getting ripped and mauling each other. The door to the auditorium swung open and in he came. Professor Pants Fly was super tasty, unassuming and sexy. He’d perfected his chestnut brown bangs-sweep with his left middle  nger. The corners of his mouth turned up and he waved, I believe, directly at me…..READ MORE

Click for More

Share:


Sex Ed: Advanced Sex Studies: A girl spells it out for you

 

Sex Ed Advanced Sex Studies A girl spells it out for you

Yes! She Masturbates.

 

Morning wood isn’t a phenomenon specific to just guys, you know. Girls may not get hard, but we do get hot. Even in the morning. Especially in the morning.

 

Last Sunday, for example, your favorite sex professor and columnist (yours truly) woke up that way. You know, that barely awake stage, when you’re too lazy to stand, but not too groggy to be grabbed and groped. Foreplay? Please. Too early. Just fuck me…READ MORE

 

Click for More

Share:


The Rise And Fall Of A College Drug Lord

Entrepreneurial Spirit

 

The Entrepreneurial Spirit

 

I got into dealing for the same reason everybody else did: money and free drugs. I got out of the game for the reason most people do: I got caught.

 

I was good kid up through high school. Varsity sports, good grades — the stereotypical
life of a middle-class white dude. Substance-wise I was strictly meat and
potatoes — weed and beer, no pills or powders. But my old man didn’t take any
shit and he still rode me pretty hard. Looking back I think the discipline he instilled
in me made me a better drug dealer.

 

I went off to college craving freedom. The campus was only 20 minutes away from home, but it felt like another country. No more tiptoeing into the house smelling like stale Philly Blunts, no more listening to the old man’s bitching. My roommate Bobby and I were placed in a dorm with sophomores and juniors. For some freshmen that can be intimidating, but we used it to our advantage. We fell in with an older crew and were soon  xtures at all the parties. At one of those shindigs, we met this dude named Colin. He was a smalltime shwag and X dealer who saw us as a way to break into the ripe freshman crop. Bobby and I started moving some shit for him. Living by the motto “if you can smoke for free, it’s ok with me,” we would give him the money and take a chunk of weed for ourselves. Because we were getting to know so many people, the supply started to move quickly……READ MORE

Click for More

Share:


7 Types Of Guys Girls Hate

 

7 types of Guys Girls Hate

I went through my rolodex and selected the best of the worst guys I’ve been courted by. I narrowed it down to the 7 most irritating, pathetic, speck-dicked gentlemen out there.

 

1. THE GUY WHO MOM LOVES  (who is really nice, and painfully boring)

 

Are you this guy?

 

• You always ask about her day and her feelings and shit.
• You watch her while she sleeps.
• You never say anything funny.
• You never say anything interesting.
• You get your eyebrows waxed when she points out your unibrow.
• You never fight back when she acts like a bat-shit bitch.
• Her mom constantly invites the two of you over for dinner.

 

How you can fix it:  ……….. READ MORE

Click for More

Share:


My Mustache Made Me Do It


The Mustache Made me Do it

 

I looked like a 1970’s porn star. And that was the point. For some reason, I didn’t shave the area over my lip. I wanted to, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. For one weekend, I wanted to be in disguise. On vacation. From myself. Mistakes. Or so I thought. I woke up at five after one, but my mustache had been up for hours. Probably celebrating some sort of victory. Selfish bastard. That’s so him. This chick next to me is either dead or extraordinarily sleepy. I think she’s a hooker. I never should’ve gotten on that plane.The 7:15 Southwest flight out of Burbank touched down at McCarran at 8:10. My stewardess was hot. Older, but still OK. I told her I’d be at the MGM, even though I was pretty sure I’d be at the Palms. When did I become a lying bastard? Must be the mustache.The Crown Royal from the airport bar and the plane has already taken hold when I get in a limo with a foreign couple headed downtown. They don’t speak much English. I slip them a twenty and tell them to meet me at the Rhino later. I’m sure the guy is only interested because I showed him naked pictures of my roommate’s ex-girlfriend on my phone. I love Vegas……………READ MORE

Click for More

Share:


10 Things Women Love About Men

 

 


 10 Things Women Love about men

 Men leave the toilet seat up, curse too often when they drive, fl ex their arms annoyingly in the mirror when they think no one’s watching and can recite the lines to every Will Ferrell movie. Okay, so men can be annoying, egotistical and even…mmmm…well…irresistible. You men can turn us on — getting us all frisky and excited — by just shooting us a sexy glance or even kissing our necks. You know how to make us melt. Here are some things we women especially love about you men………READ MORE

Click for More

Share: